Beyond clefts: everyone has a gap

A cleft is a small space between two parts. So is the distance between a person who looks or lives differently and the people around them. That gap can feel wide. It's smaller than it looks.

Difference is more common than you think

About 1 in 33 babies in the U.S. is born with a birth defect, a structural change present at birth that can affect almost any part of the body, such as the heart, brain or foot.^[1] Clefts are among them: the CDC estimates that about 1 in 1,031 babies is born with cleft lip with or without cleft palate, and about 1 in 1,563 with cleft palate alone (2016–2020 data).^[2]

Many differences are visible. Changing Faces describes a visible difference as "a scar, mark or condition on your face or body that makes you look different," whether present from birth or acquired later. Its examples include cleft lip, birthmarks, vitiligo, alopecia, burns and scars from surgery or illness, and it reports that nearly one in five people in the UK self-identify as having a visible difference.^[3] Many other differences can't be seen at all. More than 1 in 4 U.S. adults have some type of disability,^[4] and the World Health Organization estimates that 1.3 billion people, 16% of the world's population, experience significant disability (2023).^[5]

So when we say "everyone has a gap," we mean it. Difference isn't the exception. It's part of being human.

Why the gap matters

Looking different still comes with real challenges. In Changing Faces' 2017 Disfigurement in the UK report, 81.3% of respondents with a disfigurement had experienced staring, comments or unpleasantness from a stranger, and about half of those who had a disfigurement in school had experienced bullying that targeted their appearance (49.5% in primary school and 50.4% in secondary school).^[6] The same report found that 67% of UK adults attached less positive attributes to people with a disfigurement in an implicit attitudes test in 2017, down from 90% in 2008.^[6] That drop matters: attitudes can change.

What closes the gap

Getting to know each other. Decades of research on "intergroup contact" show that meaningful contact between groups typically reduces prejudice of many types, and the effect holds for groups other than races and ethnicities.^[7] In plain words: the more we actually spend time with people who are different from us, the less different they feel.

Belonging. Feeling connected protects kids. A CDC study found that teens who felt highly connected at school and at home had as much as a 66% lower risk of health problems as adults, including in mental health, violence and substance use.^[8] Every child who feels they belong, with or without a difference, is better off for it.

Curiosity, handled kindly. Children notice differences. That's normal. Seattle Children's suggests teaching kids that pointing and staring are not okay but asking questions is, and giving short, factual answers.^[9]

Small ways to reach across

• Say hello first. A greeting turns a stare into a conversation.
• Ask, listen, and don't assume. Let the person decide how much of their story to share.
• Notice what you have in common. A favorite team, a pet, a terrible joke.
• Speak up when someone is left out. Invite them in, or sit with them.
• Mind your words. Talk about people first and their condition second, and skip words like "wrong" or "broken."
• Share stories. Books, films and classroom visits that show people with differences help make difference ordinary. [Brandon: add recommended books or resources here]

United by

We're united by a smile, by difference, by love. Clefts started it. The invitation is for everyone: other birth differences, disabilities, and everything that makes us diverse.